Wake Up Call

Caught you in the morning with another one in my bed. Don't you care about me anymore? Care about me, I don't think so...


I love my new job. I still don't really believe I got one, and quit Starbucks. I felt as though I was just gonna stay there and hate it for the rest of my life. I keep thinking my new boss is gonna fire me. Or discover that I really don't care about beds and that I'm only twenty going on seventeen. I feel as though I was tricked because Kathy left before she got to work with me. She left to do better things... Something she wanted to do.

I have fun, and I'm treated like an adult for it.

I Get It.

I don't have the energy for any more words. I'm just so tired. I just can't deal with... anymore words.

Almost everyday, everything just seems too hard. I think that I feel like giving up. All the way... I feel like if I stop for a second and think, I will do just that. I already have given up on a certain area of my life. It was too easy. It was scary-easy...

If I keep moving, and talking and laughing and texting and hugging, I still feel as though what is going on inside me isn't happening.
I can convince myself that what I'm feeling's not real. That it's my period...

Or something.

30

thats my sleep number.

i could either sell beds or jeans... i guess i could do both...


i have interviews with sleep number and gap. my background check with the loan company still hasn't gone through, and i find myself caring less and less. i'll find something else, no doubt. but i need to do so fast...

nothing gets done in my life. not even blogging. i have been meaning to blog for a week, but i don't have the energy to create something entertaining and asking people to read it. even though that's not what blogging is about. maybe. i need to make more of an effort, because it's a great way to process and to be honest about whats going on in my life.
(can't really lie in a blog- other people who may know that truth can see your lies and they may call you out on it)

i have the perfect smoking window in my room. there is a chair and the window sill is that is wide enough to hold almost anything. plants are coming in the spring.

You're Hired?

I maybe got a new job. There's that pesky background check that I need to pass...

I'm not sure how this job is better. I'll still be working with customers, most likely angrier. Perhaps I'll have more hours, however there will be no discount, on anything that I would want. I get to dress better, and I'll have only one other person working with me, and it probably won't feel as hectic when it's busy.

I just feel as though I need a change. I need a new job and a new way of living my life. This is scary, but I think that wherever I will be is better than where I am...


It's funny how I ask god to move in my life and I then I'm terrified of change... Seems backwards.